


strangers from the same country

by spocklee



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-06-23 01:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15595203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spocklee/pseuds/spocklee
Summary: when you gotta leave the forest, leave the desert, and go to the ocean.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this is...... long

He was in Temari's arms, the pressure of his body lifting and falling as she jumped from branch to branch. Kankuro was nearby; he recognized the smell of his face paint, like sticking your head into a pot of soil. When was the last time he even let someone touch him?

 

"I'm sorry..."

 

He fell asleep as he was saying it, as if the whole sky was closing in around him finally in a thick black shroud. Not to die, but to rest. He could already see so much work ahead of him, a lifetime of it, but for now he was tired. And if there was a monster inside, for once it was tired too.

 

-

 

Konoha found a new leader faster than Suna. Tsunade, a name all the elders recognized with bitterness, made the first move to reach out to them.

 

Gaara, either because he was the last kage's son, or because they were terrified of him, was allowed to walk into the council room and lean against the wall. Temari and Kankuro followed him, and stood with haughty attention. The council's conversation stopped and they all waited in fear for him to do something. It didn't occur to any of them that he was there to listen, and not to kill them all.

 

"Continue talking."

 

An older woman narrowed her eyes and was the first to speak again, without a tremor in her voice. Gaara stared at the wall across the room, above their heads. He thought that if he looked at one of them, they might stop again.

 

At the end of the hour, after tossing back point after point about image and pride, standing and political power, the room was still divided between accepting Tsunade's alliance or rejecting it. Gaara took advantage of the pause in conversation.

 

"We accept it."

 

A man spoke up now; "Lord Gaara, forgive me, but-"

 

Temari interrupted plainly, bored by now with their arguing, "If we reject it, we're saying that we want to continue fighting, even after our loss during our first strike, which was led by an outsider."

 

"Admitting defeat will make us look weaker-"

 

Temari narrowed her eyes, "No. _Being_ defeated will make us look weaker. Even if we win a pointless war against the Leaf, it will leave us with almost nothing. We'll have nobody left to run missions, no more resources. Someone else will destroy us."

 

Someone slammed their hand on the table, "You're all too young to know who Tsunade is, the part she played in the old war. Teaming up with her now would be an insult."

 

Kankuro, who rarely spoke at meetings, sighed, "I'm young enough to know that I don't want to die in some pointless grudge match between old people."

 

Someone else stood up, "You three have forgotten your duty to your village! If it is decided that we will go to war, you will fight, whether or not you're the former Kage's brats!"

 

It was a bold declaration to make with Gaara in the room, and one that likely would not have happened before the Konoha attack. Even though Temari and Kankuro's reactions were not half as fearful as they would have been, the room could still pick up on Temari's quicker breathing and the sweat on Kankuro's neck.

 

Gaara only leaned off the wall, and said, "You only assume you can win against the Leaf because of me. But I didn't win last time. And I don't intend to fight against that village again."

 

He walked out of the room, but in the doorway, he stopped and turned his head so only one cold, familiar eye was trained on the council.

 

"Whatever my duty is to this village... I will no longer be used as your weapon. And you will not be able to force me or my siblings into killing for you," there was the muffled howling sound of sand in the gourd still on his back, "Let me be clear."

 

Temari slammed the door on the way out.

 

-

 

He had sensed Naruto's presence, the warm humming sensation of a cage around chakra that didn't belong to them, but it was already gone by the time he showed up. Instead it was the boy from the chunin exams. Rock Lee was still as unpredictable as ever, and Gaara would let himself be more distracted if he wasn't busy trying to repeatedly drown some stranger in sand.

 

It was another failure of a battle, alive by coincidence this time instead of mercy. It seemed that Lee was a bad luck charm for him, and that by mauling him once he had since been cursed with this new life of losing and uncertainty.

 

They sat under a tree together, and Lee assured him that his teacher would say luck was just another part of being strong. Gaara remembered the man clearly. He had thought about the two of them often since Konoha. If Lee's first strike had been a surprise, then it was nothing compared to the complete resolve of the man who had stood in between him and Gaara twice. Never, nobody, not even the assassins sent to kill him, had defied Gaara so absolutely. Then there had been that girl, Sakura, who was no jounin and no adult and still had done the same...

 

He stared up at the leaves above him and thought for the hundredth time, _What makes our villages so different?_

Someone was calling his name. It was Lee, holding out a bag of food he had brought, offering to share.

 

Gaara smiled as little as one could. Sometimes losing was better.

 

-

 

Pragmatically, the nomination for kage wasn't surprising. He was the strongest of the village, and the son of the last.

 

On a more emphatic level though, it shocked him. He coolly told the council, who had sent for him so that they might announce their decision to him as a group, that he would need more time. He walked out and immediately went to find Temari.

 

She was practicing in the yard. He stared at her arms, and thought about how they had carried him, how they had been able to hold him up. He didn't remember another time his sister had ever touched him. His stare was interrupted as she noticed him and spoke.

 

"Gaara? What is it?"

 

She wasn't scared of him anymore, and it helped that he no longer kept her and Kankuro in a constant state of fear, "I wanted to ask you for advice."

 

"Oh. Sure," she folded her fan and sat on a stone post, "What's going on?"

 

"The council has asked me to be kage."

 

Temari startled. He looked down.

 

"So you also think it's surprising..."

 

He looked up, to see that Temari's expression had turned serious.

 

"It is and it isn't. Kages are usually ancient... but at the same time, we don't have a lot of strong people in our village."

 

He felt one of those newer feelings, which he only vaguely remembered from being young, and which was a sense of sulking disappointment.

 

"So we're forced to select an unprepared child..."

 

"We're forced to choose the strongest in the village."

 

He hushed away the sullenness he had felt enough to express in his voice, and returned to his usual calm, "I should decline it."

 

"Why?"

 

"Our alliance with the Leaf has protected us so far; I'm sure in time we will find a more suitable candidate. It would reflect poorly on us to rush a child in to a position."

 

Temari tilted her head, "Hm."

 

"What?"

 

"Sounds like," she put a finger on her chin, "You're making up excuses because you're scared."

 

She stood up and stretched, ignoring his wide eyes, "Actually, I might be the next best choice for kage. Or Kankuro!"

 

He narrowed his eyes, "Neither of you are ready-"

 

"Nobody's ready. That's the point," her voice has lost its teasing tone, "You're not just the strongest, Gaara. Whether it's been for good or bad, you've become a symbol of Suna, both to the village and to outsiders."

 

"Because I was a monster."

 

"Yes," she didn't flinch away from or disguise it, "and since the attack on Konoha you've been different. It's not just me and Kankuro who have seen it. You haven't killed anyone or lost control since then. Nobody dies on missions with you because you make sure to protect everyone. You've been doing your best for the people of this village since you've returned, the way a leader would," she reached out a hand, and it fell on his shoulder, "This is one more thing you can do for them."

 

He felt the pressure of the hand like an absolute, like gravity. It felt so heavy.

 

"Okay."

 

She smiled. His sister rarely smiled at him.

 

-

 

Kankuro found him finally, standing on the cliff edge overlooking the west side of the desert. The sun was setting, always lording over it all until it got tired and sunk away to let the night wash everything in the cold. Every day was difficult, over and over again. Gaara had only recently found any pleasure in his country, despite and because of its harshness.

 

"Temari told me... Is this what you really want?"

 

Gaara could safely say that it was.

 

-

 

The kazekage ceremony was dusty with old tradition and custom, and taken as seriously as a funeral. He thought about Naruto, as the elders stood and spoke about the importance of the village and power and survival, and how he would have found a way to be energetic and ridiculous in the middle of all this antiquity. It wouldn't have made sense to invite low-ranking ninjas from Konoha to his ceremony, but still, he wished he could see him and Rock Lee and Sakura next to Tsunade and her officials. He had even tried to send a letter to Naruto, and found out that he was traveling, whereabouts unknown. He had hoped, at least, that Might Gai might have come as a jonin.

 

Later, the photographer, who had had everyone important gathered and posed after the ceremony for a record of the event, looked over her prints and was surprised to see one in which the kazekage was smiling clearly, as warmly as he ever did.

 

-

 

After the dry boredom of the ceremony, Kankuro had pulled Gaara with a dizzying newness by the arm out of the hall and out to the nearest restaurant, and then spent the whole meal complaining that if you were old enough to be kage you were old enough to drink.

 

-

-

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is for my friend who once referred to gai as 'gai-sensei' in a text out of automatic, genuine respect without thinking


	2. Chapter 2

Had he really not seen him since the attack on Konoha? Even when Gaara and his siblings had arrived to rescue them, he had been busy in the hospital, heartbroken and more bandage than skin.

 

Naruto peeled open the white clay and saw Gaara, still as lifeless as he had looked back in the cave. _Lifeless_ was an easier word than _dead_ , even if it meant the same thing.

 

When the old woman said that there was a way to bring him back, what wouldn't he have done?

 

He'd placed his hands on him, as he thought a healer might.

 

-

 

Naruto had three days to spend with Gaara after the resurrection, and of course, the time was devoted to everyone else being able to speak to the kazekage. His medics, his elders, his concerned villagers, his siblings, his teacher, even Kakashi and Gai got time ahead of Naruto because they were jounins. It was good; Gaara deserved the attention, the respect and affection. Yet he kept thinking about how the first time he had seen Gaara in three years was as a corpse on the floor.

 

He laid in bed in the room that had been provided. He was no longer a child guarded by a teacher with two other kids; it was small but private, the kind provided for allies at the last minute. There was a room in the kage's headquarters, but there had been no preparation for so many guests at once. It had been easier to crowd them politely in the nicest inn available.

 

There was a knock at the single window. Naruto wondered if it was Lee, trying to find a training partner before dawn. It wouldn't be the first time.

 

He got up and stretched, and squinted blearily at the window, "Lee, it's 3 am..."

 

There was no call of, "The perfect time to start working out!"

 

There was only silence, and Naruto tensed. The Akatsuki were around, weren't they? It was the first time he had been away from Jiraiya or Tsunade's protection in three years. He slipped off the bed into a crouch and approached the window, a black rectangle with no moon.

 

His eyesight had always been good in the dark though; closer, without sleep still in his eyes, he quickly saw the figure outside and smiled, wrenching the window open.

 

"Gaara!"

 

Gaara stood there quietly. He was floating on a cloud of sand. He was taller, which Naruto hadn't been able to appreciate in the relief and chaos. Everyone was taller.

 

"Well, are you gonna come in?"

 

Gaara stepped in, and the sand whirled into the gourd on his back, "You should be more cautious."

 

"You should use the door."

 

Gaara sighed almost imperceptibly, "If they knew I was gone, they would ask me to come back."

 

"Who?"

 

"The guards. My sister. My brother..." he paused, and looked around the room, "... might support me sneaking out, actually."

 

Naruto, despite all his wishing, felt suddenly awkward, "Well, uh, welcome!"

 

Gaara blinked at him, his gaze more harmlessly owlish than it had been as a child, "May I have a glass of water?"

 

"Oh? Uh, sure."

 

By the time he had gone through the motions, Gaara was sitting at the little table near the dresser. His hands were folded, and the gourd was sitting next to him.

 

Naruto set the glass down, and sat across from him.

 

"Thank you," Gaara proceeded to ignore the glass, "I wanted to thank you."

 

"You just did."

 

"Yes-- I mean, for..." his face barely changed, but there was a little jump in his chest as if he was caught off guard, "I mean for saving me."

 

"You thanked me for that already too."

 

Gaara stared at him, and then nodded, "Oh, you mean just recently, with Chiyo. I meant before that."

 

"Oh!" It seemed he couldn't say anything else.

 

Gaara stood up, put the gourd back on, and Naruto watched as he picked up the glass of water and drank it in one go. He set it down, and bowed slightly.

 

"I'll go now."

 

Naruto watched helplessly as he walked towards the window, and the sand rushed out in a curtain around him as it pulled itself into a cloud to stand on again. Gaara had one foot on it by the time Naruto was able to say something.

 

"Wait!"

 

Gaara turned around.

 

"Gaara..." What could he do? He wanted to cry, to hug him, to pour out all the kindness he had viciously wanted Gaara to have and had blamed his village for not giving until it was too late. He wanted to say what he had said to just about everybody else on the way to save him, but now it seemed pitying, and clumsy.

 

"Naruto?" He sounded worried. He'd never heard concern in Gaara's voice before, and his eyes teared up.

 

"I just wanted you to know... How happy I am to see you."

 

Gaara stared at him a little more, and Naruto wondered if he was still too new to kindness to understand what he was trying to say. Then Gaara smiled, softly, and climbed out the window.

 

-

 

On the way home, he could see out of the corner of his eye how often Sakura's head turned towards him.

 

"What?"

 

Her eyes widened; she hadn't meant to be noticed, "I just... You seem quieter than usual. Aren't you happy?"

 

"Yeah, of course I am!"

 

She didn't fall for his false grin, "Gaara will be alright."

 

"I know that!"

 

She squinted a bit more, and then smiled coyly.

 

"What?"

 

"Nothing," her smile went tender, "I just forgot what a softie you are."

 

He realized he had missed Sakura these last few years too.

 

-

 

During the war, there was barely time to rest, let alone sort through the way Gaara spoke to him, talked about him, looked at him. Sometimes, when he sat down for a moment, he could think of what he would say, when the war was over, but he fell asleep every time.

 

-

-

-

 

After the war (and the phrase was already its own era, After The War, with how often people said it, with all that it meant), and after his healing, and after the funerals, the meetings, the agreements, the delayed funerals of bodies that had been found later and of people who'd died in the hospital, the days of sleeping through depression and exhaustion, he finally stepped through the mess of his apartment and outside into 11 am, and had not wanted to go back in.

 

His arm was obliterated, and it was still a strange absence that had its own presence. Sakura had looked at the stump with eyes like caves, so tired already from everything else, and from what he and Sasuke had put her through. As a doctor, she had told him that they would both need to come in for checkups, and therapy. It was what most people heard on leaving the hospital now.

 

He wondered what Gaara was doing, and if maybe too much time and change had passed for whatever it was he had wanted to happen.

 

-

 

Tsunade, recovered, and in a kind of one-sided stand-off with an unwilling Kakashi over the transitioning position of hokage, told Naruto to take some time off.

 

"Go on vacation."

 

"For how long?"

 

She looked up at him, Kakashi standing next to her desk, and Naruto would travel for miles to see another person who didn't have eyes like holes burned in their head from exhaustion, "As long as you need. I think even the petty thieves are taking time after that one. If there's suddenly a threat, I'll alert you. But we should be fine."

 

His shoulders shook involuntarily, "Is anyone else--"

 

"I've been trying to give everybody time in stages, so that we'd always have a certain amount of strength in the village."

 

He wished he could smile, "And you..."

 

"Me?" She laughed, and it was the normal cackle, but now she let the years leak through, "Kid, I took all the time I could after my first war. Don't you remember how you found me?"

 

He did smile, a little, even if it reminded him of Jiraiya, "Yeah."

 

"Go."

 

-

 

He thought of the friends he wanted to ask to come with him, but with his pack on his shoulder, his apartment taken care of and locked up, he found himself walking past the village gates alone. He waved to the guards. It was already dusk, and he kept walking past the trees, and didn't stop until the next morning. If there were any animals lurking in the dark, they could sense him, and knew to stay away. He remembered being so small and young and powerless that even a moment in the forest would bring something hungry rushing towards him.

 

With all the love he felt towards the village, he still couldn't bring himself to carry it with him now. The last few months had been a constant mix of taking care of and being cared for, picking up shifts, carrying people home, drinking, laughing, remembering, going to the graveyard with each other, visiting the hospital, cleaning each other's apartments, cooking each other's meals, and sitting on couches.

 

There was a kind of recovery that had to be done far away.

 

-

 

He thought that maybe it would have been better if Tsunade had sent him on some throwaway mission, so that he could at least have some kind of direction. But she was right; who had the energy to try anything after the war? Even the lost cats of the world were trying to huddle indoors and sleep it off.

 

Still. Maybe he could buy some bags and collect herbs for the diminished hospital. He had spent time with Sakura, both actively trying to learn about medicine and sometimes just passively watching her work. She had given him a set of medicines in little vials for this trip, and a scroll of stretches he had to do every day.

 

She had looked sad when he left, and he'd grinned at her, "What? I'm just going on a walk, except it's for a few weeks."

 

She hadn't laughed, "Just... come back, okay?"

 

He had frowned, "Of course I'm coming back. I'm not gonna die on vacation after living through all that."

 

She'd shaken her head, "I'm not worried that you'll die... I'm just worried you won't come back."

 

He had hugged her, and promised. At the time he hadn't understood what she was so worried about. But she had seen it ahead of him, his own peaceful feeling as he laid under the trees alone and put on no false grin and sounded no fake laugh like a bird call. He just laid there, face blank, and he understood what she had been afraid of.

 

-

 

The trees faded out to grassland. He was thankful for the transition; the forest had eased him gently away from home, had surrounded him and his thoughts constantly with the shapes of trunks and leaves, and the sounds of animals. If he had gone through the grassland first, empty and endless, he might have turned around.

 

Now, there was something pleasant about the stretching field. There were a few trees, shorter and shorter, and finally only a few bushes that clawed up and outward, green and proud to be in such a dry land. The grass was just turning yellow. There would be no rain to hide from for a while, but the heat would replace it.

 

It was only once he had kept walking through the fields, until it was just hard dirt and then sand, that he realized where he was going.

 

-

 

Even with what he knew about Suna, it was still hard to trudge through the dunes and think that anybody could live out here. Maybe a hardened soldier, with knowledge of the land and supplies, for a month or so, but somewhere in the desert was a city with children in it. How did they ever get the water, how did they ever grow any food?

 

He smiled, and could imagine any one of the intelligent people in his life; Sakura, Shikamaru, Kakashi, on and on, even the shadow of Sasuke's childhood friendship, scolding him for being so ignorant. The world was full of incredible people, and incredible advances in technology! They would say something like that. They had grown up in the middle of the forest the same as him though, filled with water and riverbank soil and easy weather. He knew they were as surprised as he was every time they walked through the desert.

 

He knew enough to camp in the day, with his tent poles weighed down and an opening on the top of the tent in case the walls were buried. He walked at night. He wasn't sure which direction the village was in, but remembered there were a few landmarks to find where it was hidden. If he needed to, he could summon a tracker, and run there in a day.

 

He saw the canyon ahead of him, the giant table of rock that looked like a tree trunk carved through. There was a spring somewhere in it, that made a creek bed coveted by the wildflowers and gnarled trees, and walking through it he saw coyote and deer darting across the rocks. The danger in such a safe haven was a flash flood, but he would be able to climb away in no time.

 

For some reason, he thought he might see someone else in the midst of all that green and water, but he left the winding canyon without seeing anyone else but the foxes. He mimicked their chatter back at them, and laughed when they spoke back and scurried away.

 

-

 

There was a sandstorm, and he thought with guilt that maybe he should have taken his trek more seriously. Then he remembered he wasn't fifteen anymore, and he surrounded himself in a whirlwind of chakra that sealed him away from the sand. It would be exhausting to keep it up though, and by the time he made it to the village walls he would probably pass out and have to take up space in their hospital. He had fallen out of shape. They would likely send a letter back, and Sakura would be furious. He thought about all of this gloomily while the storm raged against his shield.

 

The howling wind weakened suddenly. He could still hear it, but it sounded far away, and when he looked up from his feet he saw that the storm had taken several steps back away from him. He was surrounded by some greater shield, that domed around him at the length of a neighborhood block.

 

The only other person who would be out in a storm like this and able to control it this well...

 

Naruto snuffed out his chakra like a candle. Without its own humming energy, it was even quieter. He looked up, to try and find him.

 

"Here."

 

The voice came from behind him. He turned and there was Gaara, walking towards him calmly. His brow was slightly creased though, which meant he was annoyed. Naruto grinned and lifted his hand.

 

"Hey!"

 

Gaara noticed his missing hand and his glare softened, and when he looked back up at him he just seemed resigned, "What are you doing alone out here?"

 

He shrugged, "Taking a walk."

 

Gaara closed his eyes and folded his arms, "If you want to take a walk... through the middle of the _desert,_ " he emphasized the word as a hellish place to stroll through, "then please check in at the village first for supplies and to get a weather forecast--" he waved his own lecture away, "I know you already know this."

 

"Yeah."

 

Gaara glared at him again, and waited for a better excuse. Naruto continued smiling innocently. Gaara began walking away.

 

"Your walk is over. I'm taking you back to the village."

 

Naruto followed him, his hand in his pocket, "Kind of sounds like you're kidnapping me."

 

"I--" Gaara paused with his back to him, and he sounded less stern, "Until the storm is over. Obviously you can do as you like."

 

"At least, once the storm is over."

 

"Yes."

 

Naruto quickened his step so they were walking side by side, and as they both sped up, until they were running in long sprinting jumps, the shield around them followed.

 

-

 

They reached the village walls quicker than Naruto had guessed; he hadn't realized how close he had been. The guards noticed him but kept silent as Gaara nodded to them and walked through. When the gate closed, the shield dropped, and the storm immediately began to beat against the heavy door. It was unlikely that it could have been opened if Gaara had not been there to hold the wind at bay. Closed, the door held in place easily, and Naruto stopped to admire the build of it. It looked old. Gaara continued without stopping.

 

They walked through an indoor marketplace that existed for when the weather was bad, an inverse of the shops outside, and Naruto was surprised by how many people recognized him. They were all sweet and familiar with Gaara, who stopped and smiled at their calls and questions. There were old women who called out to him like a grandchild, and people their age who blushed and bowed and wished him a good day. An old man just pointed up at the thick vaulted ceiling, which still rumbled with the drum of the storm despite the high walls, and said, "This weather, huh?"

 

A group of children gathered around Gaara and asked for a trick. Naruto squinted sideways at him, but didn't ask what it meant. Gaara had paused and put his fingers on his chin, as if thinking deeply. Without speaking, he stood up straighter and snapped, and the sand in the gourd poured out and rose ten feet above them, and then rained down in a precise column. The children tried to see through the column. Eventually the sand falling decreased, and left behind a perfect model of the kazekage headquarters. Naruto raised his eyebrows, but the children were less impressed.

 

"Aw, you did that last time!"

 

"Kazekage, you need new tricks!"

 

"What do they even pay you for?"

 

Gaara only smiled so big that his eyes creased, which surprised Naruto more than the model, and he shrugged lightly, "Okay. I'll get rid of it," and snapped his fingers again. All the sand rushed back into the gourd. The kids whined and asked him to stay and he kept walking.

 

Naruto leaned close to him, "I don't remember the snap. Is it part of a new jutsu?"

 

Gaara looked at him somewhat incredulously from the corner of his eye, "... No. It's just to let them know when I'm going to activate it so they're not surprised."

 

"Ah."

 

Gaara shook his head slightly and smiled again, all the way back to his office.

 

-

 

"Are Temari and Kankuro here?"

 

Gaara stepped around his desk and peered out the window, "Temari is on a mission. My brother is here in town though," he turned around, his arms folded behind his back, "Did you want to see him?"

 

"Yeah! Totally," what was he doing? He and Kankuro had said maybe four sentences to each other total. The idea of being alone with Gaara was stressful for reasons he couldn't trace.

 

Gaara blinked at him (and maybe that was why his stare was so arresting, because he blinked so little), "I'll invite him to dinner."

 

-

 

They ran into Kankuro in the hall, and Gaara asked with an almost sweet, brotherly innocence, "Kankuro. Would you like to eat dinner with us?"

 

Kankuro did a double-take between the two of them, "Oh. Hey, Naruto."

 

"Hey, Kankuro."

 

They stared at each other. Kankuro seemed to be trying to piece something together, such as why Naruto was there, since when he had been there, if he was supposed to know that Naruto was going to be there, and something else on top of all of that.

 

"I can't go to dinner. I gotta go."

 

Gaara seemed surprised, "What--"

 

Kankuro was already jogging off down the hallway, waving a hand behind him, "Mission! Temari approved it. Not a big one, I'll be back in a few days. Have fun!"

 

Gaara and Naruto stared after him.

 

-

 

Dinner was not in a large hall, or even a dining room. Gaara went down a corridor, poked his head through an archway into a kitchen full of hanging herbs, drying animal parts, and pots and pans clanking against each other. There was a fire in the corner of the room, its heat almost lost in the daytime temperature only now cooling as night fell. A man with an unlit cigarette in his mouth looked up.

 

"Could you make two dishes for dinner tonight?"

 

"Aye. You still eating in your office?"

 

Gaara nodded. The man bowed and narrowly kept the cigarette from falling into a bowl of spices.

 

Naruto followed Gaara back into the office without saying anything, but once Gaara had sat down at his desk, he stared at the piles of paperwork and said, "You're probably wondering about the cook."

 

Naruto's eyes drifted towards the ceiling, "... Kind of."

 

"He's worked here for a long time. It's very important to find someone who can understand poisons and be trusted to keep them away from your meals."

 

Naruto nodded and looked at all the paperwork between them, "Are you falling behind?"

 

Gaara sighed surprisingly deep, though his face didn't change, "No. Not really. There's just a lot."

 

He picked up a stack of paper on Naruto's side and stood up, and began looking around with uncommon stress for somewhere to put it, "I need more tables. I keep forgetting to ask for more tables."

 

Naruto laughed.

 

-

 

Dinner was nice, dry meat and some preserves and flat bread. Naruto had steeled himself to make conversation, but Gaara ate with his plate to the side and files in front of him, a pen in one hand. Naruto leaned back in his chair to appreciate the only decorations, which were shelves of cacti and one painting of what was likely the canyon he'd walked through. The windows were shuttered to protect the glass from the sandstorm still humming outside.

 

"Do you ever think about keeping the storms back? You know, holding them off from the village?"

 

Gaara kept writing, "The village has survived sandstorms for generations, and will have to do so after I'm gone. If there's an emergency, of course I would. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a sensible use of my time or energy."

 

He said it without scorn; it was only an answer and not a reprimand.

 

Naruto finished eating, and noticed Gaara had barely gotten halfway through his own plate.

 

"Don't you have someone else to do this for you?"

 

Gaara's eyes finished scanning one last sentence and then looked up, "What?"

 

"The paperwork. You barely have time to eat."

 

Gaara blinked down at the form, and set the pen down, "I'm being rude right now. I'm sorry."

 

"Huh? No, man. I get it. You're busy. I'm just worried. Have you been sleeping and eating enough?"

 

"I've been eating and sleeping."

 

"How much?"

 

"... It's not quantity, but-"

 

"Gaara!"

 

Gaara folded his hands guiltily over the paper. It was almost imperceptible, like most of his expressions; but there was a telltale flinch in his brow. Naruto waited.

 

"The workload... It will slow down eventually. The whole village has been recovering from the war, and there have been matters to attend to."

 

"Matters only you can attend to?"

 

"Matters that... I should take the weight of. As their leader."

 

Naruto leaned his head back in the chair. He tried to imagine what he would say to convince Tsunade to leave her post. He came up empty, but then again, how well did he really know Tsunade? How well did he know Gaara?

 

"Naruto?"

 

"I'm just thinking... I guess honestly I just want to tell you to be selfish and take a vacation with me. But I would be telling you to leave behind your whole village for me."

 

It sounded strange to say it out loud, like he was asking something torrid. Gaara certainly looked as if Naruto had proposed something scandalous. Hadn't Temari and Kankuro ever dragged him away to be an irresponsible teenager?

 

"Why?"

 

"Because I think you need a break."

 

"Why me?"

 

"Because you're the kazekage and you're clearly swamped."

 

Gaara pursed his lips, "No. I mean, why offer? You clearly were alone before for a reason."

 

It was a fair question. They hadn't really spent so much time together, and there were letters exchanged back and forth that had petered out as they ran out of things to write. Then again, that was an answer in itself.

 

"We haven't really been able to just hang out. And I've wanted to, for a really long time."

 

Gaara looked even more stunned.

 

He backpedaled, "I mean, obviously your village is more important than that, I don't mean to put you in a tough position."

 

"You haven't."

 

"Oh, good, because--"

 

"When would you want to leave?"

 

Naruto flinched, "What?"

 

"I would like to leave tomorrow night, if that's alright. I can get some things together by then, and leave orders for while I'm gone."

 

There was some stress, some anxiety, surprise, but over all of that, was a childish sense of delight that he hadn't felt in a long time, "Really? You'll go?"

 

"Yes, but preferably tomorrow night. Is that alright?"

 

"Yeah, yes, of course."

 

Naruto didn't fall asleep until late that night, lying in bed, trying to think of where they could go.

 

-

-

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaara has probably made a statue of naruto with that sand trick for all the suna kids which sounds corny as hell, but also like something that could plausibly happen in canon


	3. Chapter 3

He spent the day separating the papers on his desk into neat piles, which could be organized into things Temari could do, things Kankuro could do, things that as kazekage he could authorize anybody to do, and things that didn't really need to be done. The papers were safe from the open windows, which were open now that the storm had passed. He had patrolled the village perimeter that morning, and unburied the city walls.

 

No matter how he left things, or how much he'd been encouraged to take time off, there was no way that Temari wasn't going to be livid to find out he'd run off in the night. She had sent word ahead yesterday that she would be arriving tomorrow morning. She wouldn't kill him; but he might have to send Naruto into hiding once she found out who had run with him. Or maybe she'd be happy.

 

He was having trouble writing the letter explaining his absence. It might have made sense to write more than one, addressed to different concerns. There were several half-finished drafts scattered around him. Eventually, it came down to:

 

_Dear Suna,_

_I have left to explore the country with Naruto Uzumaki from Konoha, needing time off from my work as your kazekage. I would not do so unless I believed I left you in capable hands, and in a time of peace and safety. In my absence, I leave my sister Temari in charge, and if she is absent, my brother Kankuro. If neither are available, I trust the elder council to elect a temporary leader. I do not intend to leave without purpose; I hope to increase our bond with our allied village, and to see for myself how our shared countries are recovering. I will send word every day, so that I may be contacted if there is trouble. I will not be long._

_Please forgive me this spontaneity; I hear I am in need of more of it._

_Your Kazekage_

_Gaara_

 

Beside that, a note, on a scrap of paper, folded and addressed to his siblings:

 

_I'm sorry for the trouble. I think it will be alright until I get back. Thank you._

He felt guilty while he wrote, predicting the annoyed muttering and complaints that would come after, and unable to shake the feeling he was making excuses for himself. He realized he had been smiling since breakfast.

 

-

 

In the middle of the night Gaara left from his office window, and when his elite guards tried to discreetly follow him, he signaled them to stay back. It was a luxury of being kazekage, that if you didn't want to be followed all you had to do was ask. They wouldn't even report his absence unless they thought he was in danger, but the letter would be found long before anyone would worry.

 

From the city roofs, he saw Temari walking through the streets. The shops and even the bars had already closed, and she must have just returned from her mission. She walked easily; it had not been the kind of mission to injure her. Not needing the hospital, she'd likely return to her room and fall asleep, but she might go to his office immediately. She'd know he'd be awake, and make her report as an excuse to check in on him. He hoped she'd go straight to bed; if she found the letter tonight she might still try to catch him.

 

Naruto was waiting for him on top of the city wall. He stood up as Gaara approached.

"Ready to go?"

 

Gaara only nodded, and with no particular thought in his head, followed Naruto as he jumped off the wall and landed in the sand below.

 

Naruto, his hand in his pocket and posture lax as if he was walking through town, started from the wall, and then with a thoughtful pause, stopped and redirected himself so he was angled slightly more to the right. He stopped again, and wandered back a step so he was side by side with Gaara. He leaned in close to his ear and muttered.

 

"Hey. Where are we going?"

 

"Oh. I don't know."

 

Naruto inhaled and put a hand on his hip, "Well."

 

He took another deep breath. Gaara made an effort to help.

 

"I would like to see the ocean again. Could we go there?"

 

Naruto beamed at him, "Yes! But, uh. Only if you know how to get there."

 

-

 

The nearest town in the direction of the ocean was two days away, and when they arrived it seemed small and delicate, overlooked during the war and still somewhere in the past.

 

They had not talked much during the walk across the desert at night. Gaara had considered that maybe it was rude not to find conversation, but Naruto seemed happy to walk silently over the dunes. Maybe not happy; but content. And it also felt rude to disturb the silence of the night, and when they did speak it was quietly. The two nights had passed with a dreamy quality.

 

The town was built around an oasis, and recognizable in the distance by the unreal silhouettes of palm trees that stretched like buried fingers out of the sand, as if there was a palm hidden under the water. There were seven buildings, divided into multiple quarters and businesses. The population was 30, maybe 40.

 

Naruto had murmured after the inn owner led them to a tiny room, "How do they survive out here?"

 

"They're a rest stop in the desert, where people can get supplies and relief. Not everyone can cross the desert so quickly on a whim."

Even thought it must have been obvious in some way, neither of them drew attention to their identities. They gave their real names, but only the cook at the inn seemed to pause and understand what they were, and then he had simply gotten their food and said nothing about it.

 

They fell asleep on mats, and Gaara laid awake and wondered how the village was. He had summoned a hawk and sent out a letter each day, not mentioning where he was. Nobody had come after him, and he was thankful, even if it was only obedience to his position. No letters had been sent back, only the hawk as a confirmation that it had been received.

 

"Do you think they'll be mad?" he didn't know if Naruto was still awake.

 

There was a grumbling next to him, "I think they should get over it if they are."

 

"Hm."

 

-

 

He summoned the next hawk early in the morning, with Naruto watching as he rolled the coded (out of habit) letter and tapped it into the capsule attached to its leg. They had walked far out of town so nobody would see the bird appear out of thin air and a bit of blood, but the fact they had wandered out so far in the early morning was suspicious either way.

 

Naruto had little to say, and seemed more cheerful around the people at the settlement than alone with Gaara.

 

They left that evening, and once out of sight of the town, broke into a run. There had been something unnerving about pretending to be normal and clearly not being so; at least on missions there was a purpose. At the oasis, it had only been an act that nobody was interested in testing.

 

They were a day away from the ocean at their current speed. Gaara missed the quiet walks at night, but Naruto's contentment had been replaced by impatience.

 

-

 

They reached the village by the ocean in the middle of the next day. It was another civilian settlement, filled with unmasked people with no bandages on their knuckles or clan marks on their clothes. They seemed peaceful, and more distinctly, bored. Not entirely in a bad way.

 

They threw their packs into a hotel, paid with a remarkable amount of money that drew attention to them they hardly noticed, and then found themselves suddenly in the middle of a cobblestoned street with nothing particular to do.

 

"What do people do here?"

 

"I think we can get ice cream. Do you like ice cream?"

 

Gaara thought, not entirely sure he knew what ice cream was, and then nodded. They turned left and started walking.

 

The ice cream had been too sweet, and the cold had been annoying; if he waited for it to warm up it only melted onto his hand. It had made Naruto seem less tense though, and so he had let it all drip discreetly out of the bottom of the cone and then eaten that.

-

-

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know if kages are allowed to bounce but.... let em


	4. Chapter 4

They walked back through the town, full of old buildings and wooden doors painted brightly, and Naruto slouched back into some mood that only disappeared when he had to flash a smile at a shopkeeper or the man who pointed them out to the fire pits on the beach. The sun was already done setting, without either of them noticing.

 

He wished the good, easy feeling would stay; if not for his sake then for Gaara's. He had hoped that just by being with each other, without danger or a mission and with time, things would fall into place. It was naive. He had left Konoha to stop faking cheerfulness, and now he was ashamed of his own moodiness, of inviting Gaara to watch him sigh and frown away from home.

 

They bought firewood, from the same man who had directed them there, and he crouched and lit it with some flint in his pocket, like a real civilian. It burned his thumb for a second, and the sting healed and faded before the wood could even catch fire. Gaara watched him silently. He never complained, and he sat back with his usual blank face as it got darker, and the fire got bigger. Gaara never faked anything, as far as he knew.

 

"Can I ask you something?" Gaara's face was underlit by the fire, face divided into oranges and blacks. His mouth was lost in a plane of shadow; it felt like he had asked the question telepathically, mystically.

 

"Yeah."

 

He paused, "Sometimes... You seem uncomfortable around me. It's not fear. It's something else. But you also want to spend time with me. I don't understand how you feel."

 

"Oh! Gaara, I..." Naruto winced. His chest ached. Gaara's voice wasn't hurt, or accusing, but there was an edge of worry in it, as if he had done something wrong. It took him a few minutes to speak again.

 

"I think I've always worried that... When we were kids, when you were kidnapped by the Akatsuki, I felt so guilty. And I guess I've never talked about it with anyone since then, but seeing you now... I guess it still bothers me."

 

Gaara blinked, "Why?"

 

"Because I felt like everything terrible that could happen to me happened to you instead. And it felt so unfair. And I guess I was just worried that," it sounded childish out loud, as he pieced it together for himself, remembering the encounter with Itachi and the image of Gaara that had hissed out of his own subconscious, "maybe you resent me for it. You've never acted like you do, so I know it sounds dumb. I'm sorry. I just didn't understand why I would be so much luckier than you."

 

He looked up from his feet, and Gaara was frowning across the fire, but his voice was still calm.

 

"So your discomfort is from pity?"

 

"No! No... I guess it's guilt. And anger... Not at you! Just at what's happened. To both of us," he knew as he said it that he had never acknowledged himself hidden in the anger he felt on Gaara's behalf, "And maybe it's easier to be mad at your village than it is to be mad at mine."

 

"Are you saying you want revenge?" He still said it blankly, with no judgment, but Naruto knew that if he wanted to attack Suna, Gaara would kill him. That if he wanted to attack Konoha, Gaara would stop him, because after everything with Sasuke, destroying the village wouldn't be what he really wanted. Gaara would know they both shared the same strange love for their homes.

 

"No. That all happened in the past. I just wish that we could have been there for each other. Or that I could yell at someone, sometimes, you know?" He laughed, not like a kid but like an adult, "There's so many things that need to be different."

 

They sat in silence and let the fire crackle and spit, as if it was angry too and able to release that feeling just by living. Gaara spoke, this time sternly.

 

"What you were saying before, about guilt... I've never competed with you. I'd never resent anything that made you happy, that saved you, even if it didn't save me. You've only improved my life, you've never taken anything away from it. Does that make sense? I want to make sure you understand."

 

Naruto put his palm up to his eyes; still a quick crier, "Yeah. I understand. Thank you, Gaara."

 

He nodded, "Of course."

 

Naruto wiped his eyes on his sleeve. When he looked across the fire, Gaara caught his eye and gave him a small, hopeful smile. He smiled back, and it didn't make his face ache.

 

-

 

They snuck back into the hotel at 4 am, going through the window since the front door was locked. Naruto had laid on the floor, arm crossed under his head, while Gaara had used the bathroom. He fell asleep as soon as he came back out and laid on his own mat. Naruto used the bathroom, turned the lights off, and sat cross-legged on the floor and looked at him curiously.

 

He barely breathed in his sleep, which was a little frightening. The other night, he had rolled in his sleep onto his side. Naruto leaned close to see if he really was breathing.

 

"Naruto, please go to bed," he didn't open his eyes, but his voice was lucid.

 

"Sorry! I thought you were asleep."

 

"I was. You woke me up."

 

"By looking at you?"

 

Gaara blinked awake, the hint of a glare visible even in the dark, "I'm very good at keeping watch. Go to sleep."

 

Naruto stuck his tongue out, but unfolded his legs and fell asleep, smiling at how Gaara kept one eye open, and only closed it once Naruto had laid down. The easiness he had wanted to hold onto was not concrete; it was as intangible as a cool breeze from the open window as they slept.

 

-

 

He woke up in the morning with his blanket thrown aside and his limbs spread out, and if Gaara had still been asleep, his leg would have crossed onto his. Gaara was outside on the little balcony, and Naruto managed to see the blink of feathers as a hawk flew off his outstretched arm. The summoning scroll was on the floor, and even though it only took a thumbprint of blood, he could smell the iron easily. It woke him up completely, and he sat up.

 

"You get any word back yet?"

 

"No," Gaara walked back inside and waved away the scroll, "Which is good. They'd call me back if I was needed."

 

"You still look worried."

 

"I'm thinking... about the paperwork."

 

Naruto smiled, "You know, I keep thinking there was something I was supposed to be doing--" he almost tripped over his blanket as he stood up, "Oh shit, I gotta go do some stretches."

 

-

 

They walked to the convenience store to get breakfast and instant coffee. It was still only sunrise, and the whitewashed walls of the old buildings were pink. Someone on a bike passed them.

 

"Hey, Gaara... "

 

"Yes?"

 

"Sorry about being so moody. I know we talked yesterday about it but--"

 

"Why would you apologize?" Gaara looked like Sakura when she'd catch him or Kakashi trying to avoid the hospital, "You feel the way you feel. You're not here to entertain me."

 

He blinked, "Yeah... But still."

 

Something tickled his cheek, and he laughed and moved away, bumping into Gaara in the process. He waved at the space his head had been in and his hand brushed against sand. He watched the particles glint back into the little bag that Gaara took with him when the gourd was too conspicious.

 

"Gaara?"

 

"Nevermind, you're right. You looked so serious," Gaara's face was resolutely stoic, which Naruto was starting to suspect was part of his sense of humor, "It was scaring me."

 

-

 

In the mornings he would stretch, and if Gaara sent off his letter before he'd finished, he would sit on the floor with him and watch. His face never had any expectation to it; he didn't wait for a joke or a smile.

 

"Does it make you uncomfortable when I watch you do this?"

 

"No," he moved his back too fast and winced, "You don't have to wait for me though."

 

That had provoked one of Gaara's small, innocent smiles, "Okay."

 

-

 

They sat on the beach and watched the surfers bob and float in the water. The tan fishermen with muscles in their backs like boulders would sometimes pause in their diving and netting to watch them as well.

 

"Oh, that's a good wave--" the surfers let it pass, and Gaara leaned back, "Maybe not. I can't tell what they're waiting for."

 

Naruto squinted at the rows of heads and boards, things he'd only heard about before coming here, "Hey... Do you think maybe none of these people are actually that good at this?"

 

They watched another four waves pass. Finally a woman climbed on her board and weaved into one before disappearing into the crashing foam. She popped back up. The surfers continued to rise and fall in the roll of water, and maybe it was just that they liked the feeling of the ocean all around them, sometimes more than they liked the feeling of rushing after it. Gaara looked at him very suddenly.

 

"Do you think I should learn to surf?"

 

Naruto fell back on the sand, imagining it, "Oh man. I honestly don't know. You're gonna fall a lot. But I think it might make my year."

 

-

-

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surfer: there's a man in a grey suit out there  
> naruto: where  
> surfer: nah grom, i mean there's a cello player out  
> gaara: i don't hear music  
> surfer: NAH, BRO, I MEAN ahhhhhh shit forget it, don't go in the water


	5. Chapter 5

It was raining outside. Gaara came inside, already done with his letter, his shirt speckled dark and wet. The walls hummed with water, which was a different sound then when the sand at home rumbled against the walls. It was a drum and not a hiss. He watched Naruto sit up on his mat and wince as his hand touched his stump.

 

"It still hurts," Gaara said it, but he didn't ask it.

 

"Yeah. Sometimes it just feels weird. It should get better with time," Naruto slowly pulled his hand away, "It's why Sakura was so intense about me and Sasuke doing these stretches."

 

Gaara's eyes had widened at Sasuke's name, but he said nothing. He didn't say anything until lunch. He knew that Naruto already knew what he wanted to say, even if it was for a second time. Even if it would have half-sounded like _I told you so._

 

-

 

They ended up on a bench, with a lawn of green grass in front of them that dipped sharply down into the street below. The beach was visible just past the row of buildings, and Gaara could feel the difference between the sand there and in the desert. He could pull on it from this distance, but it felt more eclectic. It was made of whatever the ocean dragged up and crushed against it.

 

Naruto was tapping his fingers against the bench armrest. When he spoke it was too casually to not be something he had been trying to ask for days.

 

"Did you ever have a rival?" Naruto said it like it started with a capital letter. Gaara heard it like a foreign word.

 

"Rival? No... You mean in fighting?"

 

"Yeah, I mean," he scratched his chin, "Or like anything. Like a rival in skills."

 

Gaara thought about it, and looked down; he thought about growing up, how having a rival would mean having someone who even spoke to you. Did it count if someone wanted you dead? Could his father's attempts to kill him and his constant evasions count as a rivalry?

 

Then, growing older, growing angry, he had never thought in those hazes of bloodlust that anybody was a rival. Lee was an embarrassing shock, and then a friend, with no transition. Even Sasuke had been more of a fun idea; something harder to kill, but nothing he'd bother measuring himself against. Sasuke had been Naruto's rival, and Gaara couldn't understood anything about a relationship like that.

 

The memories must have shown on his face, and there was a light hand on his shoulder, "Hey, Gaara, it's alright if you didn't."

 

Gaara blinked at the dirt between his sandals, "Should I have?"

 

Naruto shrugged, "Nah. I just realized it was a big thing in Konoha. Maybe it shouldn't have been..."

 

The conversation threatened to disappear. Gaara looked up.

 

"I mean, there's you."

 

"Oh? Oh!"

 

"Not that I have any interest in fighting you!" Gaara's hands lifted slightly off his own legs, "But I thought about you a lot."

 

"Oh."

 

Gaara's palms laid flat again, and he looked back down to consider his knuckles, "Ever since we fought in Konoha... I went home and tried to be more like you. Or I would think of how you were like me, somewhere far away, and it would make me feel calm when things were hard. I thought about you a lot, since then. I'm sure I've told you before... Is that like a rivalry?"

 

There was no reply, and Gaara looked back up. Naruto was staring at him, a line between his eyebrows. He had grown up. That crying twelve year old, crawling in the dirt and the closest he'd come to death and kindness at the same time, was somewhere in this adult.

 

"Naruto?"

 

"I wouldn't say that's a rivalry."

 

Gaara smiled faintly, if only to be comforting, "Is it... is it a bad thing?"

 

Naruto shook his head, "No, no, of course not. That's just... Shit. That's really sweet. I guess I sort of knew but I didn't..."

 

He laughed a little, and smiled, maybe too big, "Thanks, Gaara."

 

Gaara wanted to say that there was no reason to thank him, but Naruto already seemed more melancholy than before. Internally, frantically, he tried to think of something light-hearted to say. Naruto shifted next to him on the bench, and Gaara breathed out in relief at the joking tone in his voice.

 

"You know, if we _were_ rivals, I'd have felt pretty dumb when you became kazekage when we were like, 13."

 

Gaara tapped his sandals together seriously, wishing he could say how grateful he was even for just these moments when Naruto breezed over his strangeness, "Yes. It would have been very embarrassing for you."

 

Naruto turned his entire body on the bench toward him and looked at him silently, until a small, pleased, smile appeared on Gaara's face. He burst into laughter and Gaara beamed.

 

-

 

A week had passed. Gaara laid on the hotel mat and watched Naruto snore. He made sure to sleep with his remaining arm on Gaara's side; Gaara wasn't sure if this was in case he moved in his sleep (he didn't) and bumped into him, and if bumping into the stump would be painful. Or if he just didn't want Gaara to see it.

 

Naruto had been falling asleep easier. Before, it had made Gaara's chest ache, as if an invisible hand was tugging his sternum like a bridle, to feel Naruto lying awake next to him and staring at the ceiling. Naruto had fallen asleep before him the last two nights, and it was better, and the aching feeling had not changed. He looked more like his old self when he slept like this, with his body splayed out and making ridiculous whistling noises. Gaara didn't cry, looking at him, but he thought distantly that he almost wanted to. That a different version of him would have. He was so relieved.

 

-

 

Sometimes people would ask what had happened to Naruto's other arm, and he would get bashful, sincere or not, and say it was an accident when he was a child. These people would sometimes get a face like they wanted to ask what the accident had been, and then Gaara would exhale loudly through his nose like a wild boar so they'd notice his glare. And they would leave.

 

The truth was that Naruto seemed more at ease, and that meant more people were drawn to him. His smiles weren't fake, and it made Gaara nostalgic. Naruto was still friendly when he wanted to be friendly, and sometimes a little too rude without thinking. Big and emotional, trusting and suspicious, mischievous and goodhearted. Sometimes he'd be struck by moments of seriousness, of concern and deep consideration, and that was when he looked the least like the twelve year old memory. He would talk too loud, even when whispering. He made faces for children, and would scowl quietly when they were rude themselves. He didn't refer to people as 'old lady' or 'weird guy' anymore, which was an improvement. He got excited about the toy vendors spreading out weird contraptions on blankets in the street, and Gaara would let his enthusiasm draw him in as well.

 

They didn't spend every moment together. Sometimes they'd go a whole day without seeing each other until dinner, and then they would sit in comfortable silence or Naruto would explain his day, or pester Gaara about his, and Gaara would explain in short sentences. He talked about his day and felt wonderfully indulged, to eat dinner outside on some dusky patio and have someone ask about his little adventures. Sometimes he'd ask about Lee, or the villagers in general, that boy who liked his sister, and then Naruto would ask about Suna.

 

There was another feeling however, commonplace but negative. Sometimes he'd see Naruto chat with the waitresses, strangers, fishers, tanning beach people, shopkeepers, people their age, and it seemed like a more believable tableau without him in it. Once he had waited for Naruto outside a restaurant, and seen him approaching with a young man, both of them walking and laughing. He'd tried to imagine himself with them, laughing too, and couldn't. The young man, on being introduced to Gaara, was sweet, and ate with them, and left with a wave.

 

He knew it was an ugly feeling, but he was jealous. He prodded at the feeling like a parasite, and then, with a kind of self-pity. He didn't want it. It was a feeling that wanted him to want Naruto to only be alone with him, for the two of them to be trapped together with each other's misery, and that was hideous. He remembered how happy he'd been to see Naruto loved, how happy Naruto had been to see him loved, and how hard it had been for both of them to reach that point.

 

He condemned the ugly feeling and threw it out, but it had provoked a worry more deep and sincere. The worry stuck.

 

-

 

There was a row of hills behind the town, that rolled into mountains, that flushed into green, wet, forests. At night, if they couldn't sleep, or if they just wanted to, they slunk out of town and walked there.

 

Gaara navigated through the brush and darkness, staying aware of animals more for their own safety than his own. Most of them knew to keep a quiet distance, but even a toad staying still under a leaf, or a helpless rabbit warren, might suffer if he didn't notice where his foot fell. Naruto's back moved in front of him, hardly visible and more of a guess based on the sound he made as he walked or commented on something.

 

"I think I hear a river--"

 

"Naruto?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

Gaara stopped, and the sound of Naruto pushing through branches turned into the sound of Naruto stopping, his feet resting heavy on mulch.

 

"You okay, Gaara? What's up?"

 

"Do you think... we would still be friends if we didn't both have tailed-beasts? If we didn't have anything in common?"

 

There was no answer, and Gaara looked off to stretch of darkness behind Naruto rather than his face. He had good enough eyes to see his expression in the dark, and he was afraid to try.

 

"Naruto?"

 

"I think..." the forest didn't even dare to rustle around them as he paused, "we wouldn't even be who we are if we didn't both have tailed-beasts. Who knows what I would be like? Maybe that version of me wouldn't even like _me_. The me I am now."

 

The shape that was Naruto stepped closer, and his voice was firmer, "But you know I'm not just friends with you because of that, right? You're calm, and smart, and methodical and, and you're patient, and serious. But not too serious. And honest, and blunt, but not mean. Sometimes you're so polite it's funny, except when you're giving me a hard time about something. I like all those things about you. I like that we're different."

 

Gaara realized he had been glaring into the trees, and he deliberately breathed out of some of his tension, "Then..."

 

"You grew up like me. We understand that about each other. And I didn't know there were other people like me, and in a way you're important to me because of that, because I know there's someone who understands how it felt... But that didn't make us into the exact same people. If I was still me and you were still you, but without the whole tailed beasts thing, but still us the way we are now," he huffed a laugh, "Shit, you know what I mean... I would still like you. I like you the way you are."

 

Gaara breathed out again, and his shoulders eased so quickly that he shivered. He thought of something, and his brow creased.

 

"But you're smart too."

 

"Hm."

 

"You are. You're a clever fighter. That's important."

 

Naruto shrugged, the silhouette of it of it like a shadow puppet on a wall, "Yeah, but I'm not like, reading books about war strategy or philosophy or anything. Or like, doing hard math."

 

"Is that what you think I do?"

 

"I don't know, you seem pretty smart."

 

Gaara grinned, big for nobody and nothing in particular.

 

"I like you too," his usual monotone was heavy with something sweet and melancholy.

 

Naruto grinned, "Yeah?"

 

"Yes."

 

On the way back to the town, there was a bright light through the canopy, and Gaara squinted up at it and couldn't believe it could be anything as common as the moon until they walked out onto the traveler's road and saw it clear above them.

 

That night, as they laid down to sleep, and Gaara looked at Naruto with the ache in his chest slower and thicker than usual, honeyed and warm, he realized that Naruto was still awake, and was looking back at him.

 

Gaara flinched. Naruto just smirked, but his eyes weren't mocking or unkind. He looked at Gaara, and then scratched his nose and turned away as if embarrassed. Gaara watched him look up at the ceiling, still smirking, and then laugh a depreciating little laugh.

 

"Goodnight, Gaara."

 

Gaara's eyes were wide, and he felt foolish in a grand, sudden, mysterious way, "Goodnight, Naruto."

 

-

-

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we don't have time to get into sasuke, these geeks haven't even kissed yet


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well its the second-to-last chapter and you know what means. or ya don't

He woke up and Gaara was gone, out on a walk likely. He'd slept in somehow, and his eyes felt grateful and his shoulder complained. He closed his eyes and pictured lying on the sand on the beach, and how warm and soothing it always felt after he'd done his stretches.

 

Later, listening to the water crash yards away, he gave one last cat-stretch towards his toes and fell back on the sand. His shirt was rolled up into a ball under his head. His muscles relaxed, and the grit scratched and soothed his bare skin. The heat it had collected from just the first few hours of day's sunlight seemed endless. His mind was able to wander now that his soreness was disappearing.

 

Did Gaara mean anything by the way he looked at him last night? And more importantly, did he himself?

 

He tried to remember what he'd dreamed the night before, but he only remembered waking up early in the morning, facing the bathroom door, and deciding to fall back asleep. Maybe Sakura had been in it. Maybe Sai. Neither of their feet had touched the floor, and they were looking down curiously at him. He should send a letter.

 

The way Gaara had looked at him last night had been so soft and serious. Without thinking, he had almost reached out and touched him. On the shoulder, on the forehead where his tattoo was. Anywhere would be nice. He'd had to catch himself; who knew what he really wanted, much less what Gaara wanted?

 

He couldn't be impulsive about something like this, or with someone like Gaara. Just because they'd spent a few weeks together, spoken to each other, walked at every time of day and slept next to each other, didn't mean he could follow every urge to its end.

 

He pulled the sleeve of his shirt loose from under his head, and draped it over his face. The sun was too bright, even with his eyes closed.

 

-

 

Gaara did not bring up the night before when they found each other at lunch. He blinked silently as a greeting. They talked about the letter he'd received back that morning, which was nothing urgent but Temari's handwriting saying she hoped he was having fun, and that she had to stop Kankuro from heaving a pile of paperwork out a window.

 

"She said that I deserved a break, now that she knows how much work I was doing," he smiled down at his cup of tea, between both hands.

 

His smile shortened into a frown, "We should both return home soon."

 

"Yeah," Naruto said what he didn't want to say, "We should."

 

They paid the bill and walked towards the ocean and not the hotel, and it felt wrong that it was only one in the afternoon and not the middle of the night.

 

-

 

There was a group of young people on the beach with an old stereo playing music, and while both Naruto and Gaara stood off to the side awkwardly, all it took was a friendly wave from several of the strangers for Naruto to walk over. He turned to see if Gaara was following, and Gaara gave a gentle nod to say _no, but please go ahead._

 

He'd danced before at parties, and at a terrible club in Konoha that had the triumphant distinction of being the only club in the village, and then at the new one that was built and was terrible in a heroically new way. Shikamaru had complained at both, and snuck out to smoke outside both, and had offered Naruto his cigarette outside of only one and then never again because he almost swallowed it in a coughing fit. He'd slow-danced with Choji, and Hinata, and a stranger who turned out to be Shino, but it was so hard to see him with those big glasses and collar and the bad lighting. Kiba had jumped on tables with him and they'd howled and gotten each other kicked out, and Lee had been resolutely sober and stood on a stool to be both polite but energetic and passionate, as people their age should be. Him and Sakura had leaned on each other's shoulders and laughed at Tenten throwing darts blindfolded, and backwards, and breaking a window but successfully hitting a dartboard that was across the street, in someone's living room. Sai drank and would practice pretending to be drunk, and everyone would boo and critique him until he'd stop and say, "Hm, so more like this?" and then try again. He and Neji had walked home together, and laughed and fell asleep at each other's apartments so they wouldn't have to be alone until the next morning. He'd seen Sakura hold Ino's hair back and make fun of her for still having long hair, and then carry her home bridal style. He'd danced in Sakura's kitchen, to annoy her and then to dance with her.

 

The kids on the beach had full and empty bottles of liquor and didn't mind that he danced badly. They danced badly too, and he laughed and let them get in his space and for an hour it was fun, and then he felt a sense of homesickness so close to grief that he had to leave.

 

He found Gaara easily, his energy pattern as distinct and familiar to his own that it was like finding a lit candle. He was burning and flickering away down near the water, sitting on an impressive boulder. Naruto sat down next to him.

 

"Did you have fun?" His voice was sweet and sincere, in that barely noticeable way; when Gaara said to go have fun without him, he meant it.

 

"Yeah. But... "

 

Gaara gave him a chance to finish, but he didn't, so he said, "It's nice here. But it's different."

 

"Yeah."

 

The moon made a clear path on the water, and the waves flirted with being visible in the light of it, curving in and out of sight. Naruto risked a glance at Gaara, whose face was close enough that it didn't matter if there was a moon or not. He still wanted to reach out and touch it, and he swallowed. It would be such a quick but complicated decision.

 

"Naruto?"

 

"Huh? Yeah?"

 

"Are you alright?"

 

"Yeah. A little tired."

 

"Let's head back to the hotel."

 

"Okay."

 

-

 

Lying next to him trying to fall asleep was suddenly unbearable. Gaara was facing him, eyes closed, motionless, and the thought repeated over and over again that it'd be so much nicer to reach out and put his arm over him.

 

_But maybe not for Gaara._

Or, what if it was nice for Gaara, but then what if it didn't work out, whatever _it_ was, and then what if it not only ruined their friendship but hurt this person so painfully capable of vulnerability in the same way he was? What if he hurt him?

 

He was crying. He'd thought maybe he wouldn't cry so much when he got older. He didn't, but crying a lot of the time had only slowed down to crying some of the time, and he did it a lot more quietly now. Something about Gaara, something like Sasuke, made him cry easy. Crying about them as little happy kids who became little sad kids, about how if things had been fair at all they would have at least been able to be friends so much earlier in life, and been sad together.

 

He didn't want to hurt Gaara. He loved him. He recognized that now. Not _in_ love with him; that would be ridiculous. _In_ love was some big mutual feeling, and he didn't think something like that could happen in only a month, no matter how much they knew each other. He just loved him, the way he loved Sakura, and Sasuke, and Iruka and Kakashi and everyone else, and it was a unique love in the way it was unique to everybody.

 

The trick was that on top of that was this little desire that wanted to take the steps that led to some big mutual feeling, and the little impulse that made his face hot and felt obvious and shameful and exciting. He wanted to take a step out onto a frozen lake and see if he could walk all the way across it.

 

"Naruto?"

 

"Gaara?"

 

Gaara's eyes had been closed, but he opened them, and they blinked wide awake, "Are you alright?"

 

"Yeah, I'm fine?"

 

"You're crying."

 

"Oh. Yeah."

 

Before any reflex could process it, Gaara had reached out and was using two fingers to touch below his eye. It was a strange way to wipe away tears, and Naruto suspected that Gaara had never done it before. He would have expected the touch to shock him, but instead he breathed out and relaxed. It felt natural.

 

Gaara still looked disturbed, "Why?"

 

"I just was thinking about people."

 

"You miss home," he seemed sad about it; they were closer every day to leaving.

 

"Yeah. But also just crying in a good way."

 

Gaara had drawn his hand away, but he let it rest on the mat next to Naruto's chin rather than pull it back to himself, "You're grateful."

 

"Yeah," it was nice talking to Gaara. He'd feel some rambling emotion and Gaara would be able to repeat it back to him in a few words. He understood and it helped Naruto understand, to piece it together out loud.

 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

 

"Nah. It's fine."

 

Gaara's face hardened, the prelude to nagging, "Hm. Can you sleep?"

 

He sighed and wiped the rest of the water off his face, "No. Probably not."

 

Gaara sighed too, and rolled onto his back. Naruto didn't know what he was thinking. His palm was still lying open on the floor between them.

 

"When was the last time we sparred?"

 

"... Each other? I think maybe only once, in the war."

 

"No. I mean in general. We've spent more than a month out here getting out of practice," Gaara closed his eyes, "It's not good.

 

-

 

They had to go far away from the town. They brought supplies with them; lanterns, towels, first aid kits, food, a tent for if it rained and they wanted to just stay the night on some lonely beach or cliff-side. By the time they left the hotel room from the window, it was already midnight.

 

They outlined a rectangle in the sand with rocks and driftwood, and stepping back and seeing their improvised training ground made them realize just how long it'd been. They appreciated it quietly and then walked to opposing sides.

 

Gaara folded his arms, and the unusual fighting stance was familiar. It made Naruto smile, that it had never changed.

 

"Ready?"

 

"I'm ready."

 

Gaara surprised him; Naruto had expected to be blocked immediately by sand, but his first kick only landed on what turned out to be a block of wood. The real Gaara was already trying to punch him in the face. He dodged, but the shift in his balance was taken advantage of by a tugging at his ankle. The sand under his feet pulled him and he had to roll backwards to avoid a downwards kick.

 

"Damn, Gaara!"

 

"It's not my fault you're going easy on me," his face was blank, but there was a flurry of sand circling his head, suggesting that he was enjoying himself.

 

"I'm not gonna break out sage mode and wake up everybody in a five mile radius."

 

Gaara shrugged his shoulders, playfully unlike himself, "I didn't say you had to use sage powers just to beat me, but if you really think so..."

 

It was teasing, and Naruto knew his own smile looked feral, "I was a little surprised by the taijustu. That's all."

 

"Lee taught me some stuff," Gaara switched into a fighter's pose, which sent a thrill of instinctive fear down Naruto's back, "But I'm serious. I can handle it. So do the same. Take this seriously."

 

For some reason, it was hard to say, "Okay."

 

-

 

To be fair, Gaara held back by not uprooting the entire beach and dumping it on him. They managed to land a few hits on each other, always pulling back enough to keep from actually doing damage. It was understood when a hit would have landed in a real fight.

 

As it went on, and they got more tired, they got more desperate. The fighting became, as Rock Lee would have said had he been there, less honorable. Naruto bit his hand without breaking the skin, tripped him, and threw seaweed at his face. A breathy bark of laughter actually escaped Gaara as he fell back on his hands and had to use sand to drag a rushing Naruto away by the legs, and he was smiling all the way to his eyes by the time he opened a pit under Naruto's feet. Their dodges became less quick, and their hits were less impressive. It felt like being a scrappy kid in school again, until Naruto managed to pin Gaara to the ground by the wrists, both held in place above Gaara's head. There was a piece of driftwood inches from Gaara's shoulder; they were outside the boundary line. The ocean continued moving up and down the beach.

 

He waited for the body under him to turn into a log or disappear entirely; it didn't. Gaara looked up at him, blinking but hardly wide-eyed. He seemed to know.

 

"Naruto..."

 

He couldn't respond. His hand wouldn't move.

 

Suddenly, the sand underneath them, in a clean-cut box, lifted out of the ground, and flipped. He was now on his back, holding Gaara's wrists pointlessly above him, and Gaara was straddling his stomach. He was clearly pleased with himself.

 

"I can't believe you thought that would work here."

 

The sand crawled up around his neck, and Gaara said in a calm voice, "In a real fight I could strangle you. I win."

 

Naruto looked up at him in disbelief. Gaara's smile faded and he looked concerned. The sand slid away.

 

"You can let go of my wrists now. Naruto?"

 

He let go, and let his head fall back against the ground. It was a clear night. The moonlight was bright enough that the handful of clouds were glowing. He exhaled.

 

"You're sure full of surprises, Gaara."

 

Gaara leaned over, so that his face blocked out half the stars that Naruto was looking up at, "In a good way?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Okay."

 

Naruto braved making eye contact to grin ruefully at him, "Hey, are you gonna get off of me now that you've won?"

 

"Oh! Oh, of course. Yes."

 

Gaara lifted one leg and pivoted off of him like he was getting off a horse. Naruto tried not to feel offended. Gaara laid down next to him, body straight and hands folded over his chest. Naruto slipped his arm under his head. Every time the waves crashed, he felt his body tensing for when the water would rush up the beach and touch him; but it didn't, because they were lying safely out of reach.

 

Gaara's fingers steepled, and he murmured, "Why do you look at me like that sometimes?"

 

Naruto tensed just as another wave broke, but the sparring had worn him out enough that it was easy to say, "Because you're my friend, and I love you."

 

Gaara's fingers curled back into fists against his chest, "You love me as a friend."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Thank you."

 

He smiled, and didn't laugh at the formality, "You're welcome."

 

"I thought that maybe... you were looking at me in a different way. In the way that people do when they want someone. I'm glad I asked."

 

Naruto blinked his eyes open. He sat up.

 

"Hm."

 

Gaara looked up at him, but Naruto just stared expressionless down the beach and then turned to look down at him, "Uh."

 

He looked back towards the beach, "Shit."

 

Then back down at Gaara, who he could have asked, _what do you mean by 'want someone'? Why are you glad you asked? How do you want me to look at you? What would you have done?_

Instead it was already five am, and any second the sun would pull aside the curtain and it would be dawn, and he said, "Can I kiss you?" Even then, he meant to just say, _Can I touch you?_

Gaara's constant calmness melted into something different. So many emotions flickered through his eyes that it was like seeing, for only a second, to the very bottom of a deep, deep lake. He opened his mouth and then closed it, and looked scared for another second, and then said in a firm voice that might have broken if there had been more than one syllable, "Yes."

 

He didn't move. Naruto reached out his hand towards his face.

 

It made sense that it would happen far away from their villages, where decorum and layers and layers of history and secrecy buried everyone alive. Whatever they'd both forgiven their villages for, Naruto felt a spiteful joy that this happened away from home. In the end, he deserved to feel this without their pressures and hypocrisies close by.

 

His hand was barely touching Gaara's face. Gaara stared at him, and pressed Naruto's hand closer, so that it was flat against his cheek. He sat up.

 

"Naruto," he said it sternly, without any of the breathlessness that was supposed to happen.

 

"What?"

 

"You're scared."

 

He jerked back, "What? No, I'm not."

 

"You're taking forever."

 

He softened, "I just... I don't want to hurt you."

 

"You won't," again, Gaara just sounded annoyed. Naruto was starting to get irritable himself.

 

"You don't have to rush into anything you're not ready for."

 

"I can handle it."

 

Naruto closed his eyes and smiled wisely, "You know, this sort of thing is more complicated than you think. You might think you're-"

 

Gaara had tugged at his sleeve, and Naruto opened his eyes. Gaara was leaning in close, stopping every inch or so as if to wait for some input, and Naruto watched as the hand on his sleeve pulled him forward until Gaara was kissing him. It was brief, just a touch, and then Gaara pulled away, his brow drawn in concern.

 

"Was that alright?"

 

Naruto nodded, overwhelmed by it. Gaara tilted his head.

 

"I'm not going too fast, am I?"

 

Naruto shook his head, and smiled quietly, "Shut up."

 

He pulled at whatever part of Gaara his hand found first, and their eyes stayed open as they moved close and hoped they wouldn't miss, or make some mistake. The more they kissed, the closer they moved together, and soon Gaara was in his lap and flush against him and Naruto's hand was on the small of his back, trying to press closer and closer. Gaara's hands were frozen on his face, cupping his jaw. His eyes had closed without him noticing. Gaara's palms were warm, and the pressure of his thumbs beginning to move back and forth over his cheeks became too much. He pulled away. His hand had crept under Gaara's shirt and all the way to his shoulder blades.

 

"Sorry, I gotta--"

 

"Are you alright?"

 

Naruto took a deep breath. Gaara moved off and sat next to him, wringing his hands.

 

"Did I do something wrong?"

 

"No, no, I just," Naruto felt his too-fast heartbeat under his chest, "I just need to breathe for a second. Sorry."

 

Gaara's hand tentatively came to rest on his arm, and he didn't have the heart to tell him that even that was enough to give him that flying-stomach feeling again, "Have you ever done something like this before?"

 

"Yes. A little," fooling around at parties with Shikamaru and Lee, Shino who had told him with a sort of personal closure that he was a bad kisser, and Ino that one time that they had both promised with poison-like intensity to never mention again, unless they were drunk and wanted to make everyone uncomfortable; it was different from this. That had always been goofy, and hormonal and instinctive and ultimately relaxing because it was only what it was in that moment. This thing with Gaara was sending him all over the place.

 

Gaara seemed paradoxically calm and worried, "Are you having a panic attack?"

 

"No, I just," Naruto shook his head, "I guess it was just a lot. In a good way. I felt like I was about to lose my footing, like um, like I was running too fast. Jeez, does that make sense?"

 

Gaara closed his eyes, "I think so... I would feel that way too."

 

Naruto tried not to sound bratty, "Why don't you?"

 

Gaara shrugged innocently, "I've studied meditation and focusing techniques since I was thirteen, to help keep more passionate emotions in control."

 

"So while we were kissing... You were meditating?"

 

"I was maintaining a sense of calm so that I wouldn't... lose my footing."

 

Naruto paused, and leaned forward, "Okay, this time, don't do that."

 

Gaara's eyes widened, "Are you sure?"

 

"Yeah, I wanna see something. Is that okay?"

 

Gaara nodded, and his hand came up slower than before to brush against Naruto's face. It ended up on his neck as they met, and his fingers grazed through the hair on the back of his neck as their lips opened--

 

Gaara pulled away, and pressed his face against Naruto's shoulder.

 

"Hey, you okay?"

 

His shoulders rose and fell, and Naruto ran a hand through his hair. Gaara turned his head up. He was blushing, and looked mortified.

 

"I definitely understand what you mean now."

 

Naruto finally laughed in relief until Gaara pushed him over.

 

-

 

By sunrise they'd managed to move at a pace slow enough that eventually they were able to make out without realizing the tide had come in. They were interrupted by a prudish slap of saltwater that went right up their noses and made them both peel apart so they could cough. The ocean, the sunlight, it was all insisting they leave. Naruto was dazed.

 

"We could always just move further up the beach... "

 

Gaara was already standing, and stretching, "No. We've already made out for long enough," he said 'made out' like he said 'sparred'. It was a verb.

 

Naruto's face was crusting over with lack of sleep and drying saltwater, "So you're saying--"

 

"I like kissing you. But I would like to try other things now."

 

Naruto felt extremely dumb, in a way he hadn't felt since he was thirteen, "Like... here?"

 

"No. That sounds unhygienic."

 

"Kiba said he's done it," he said it automatically, and was embarrassed that there was a slight whine in his tone.

 

"Your friend Kiba has done a lot of things that I would not do."

 

Naruto blinked, full of questions, and Gaara sighed and held out a hand to help him up.

 

"I mean we should do that sort of thing later, in private. Also, I need to get back to the room so I can send a letter. I don't have my stationary with me."

 

He didn't understand how Gaara could make out with him for two hours straight and then stand up and say the word 'stationary' out loud. It felt insulting to him, when he was still sitting on the beach soaking in his own hormones like an idiotic teenager again. He took his hand and stumbled to his feet.

 

"Can you carry me?"

 

"No," but Gaara leaned forward and pushed his hair off his forehead, and kissed his cheek, and the sand on his neck and all over his back was brushed away with some tender, invisible gesture, "Come on. Help me pack everything up."

 

-

 

In the hotel room, Gaara sent out his letter and then sat down and watched Naruto go through his stretch routine. It felt normal until Naruto finished, and then Gaara leaned forward and kissed him under the corner of his eye, and leaned back to look at him, to see what he had done, and to see what Naruto would do.

 

Gaara brought the same curiosity to every part of his body, as they laid on their mats pushed together and lost pieces of clothing. It was scientific; he'd touch something, look at something, do something, and then move back and see if Naruto had something to say about it. He'd focus on things like the soft skin on the underside of his bicep, or the side of his torso where his lowest rib lay under muscle and fat and skin, and then he would look at his face and his entire body as if he was stepping back to appreciate the whole of it. He repeated this over and over again, and never said anything. It was sometimes sensual, and sometimes unnerving, and done entirely with a kind of blunt affection that Naruto could hardly think about all at once.

 

Naruto began to practice what Gaara had said last night; he breathed, and focused, and let himself be patient so that he could lie still and let Gaara touch him slowly for as long as he wanted. He'd meditated before, and soon it was easy to inhale and exhale and appreciate how gentle Gaara was being with him without being overwhelmed.

 

Finally, while Gaara had both his hands on either side of his head, and was looking bemusedly at his neck, he said, "Hm. You'd really let me do this all day, wouldn't you?"

 

Naruto nodded, barely moving his head.

 

"You don't have to, you know. I'm done, anyways."

 

And then he leaned forward and kissed him, and Naruto forgot how to focus.

 

-

-

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "nothing we've said about naruto is more real than that choji is a good slow dancer and rock lee and naruto have a homoerotic jock friendship" -the same friend who respects gai-sensei


	7. Chapter 7

They fell asleep in the middle of the day, and woke up disgusting from sparring and etcetera, and took turns using the shower and then lying back down on the floor. Gaara didn't curl up against him, but when Naruto put his hand palm up between them, he put his own hand on top of it without even looking away from the ceiling.

 

"We were supposed to go home soon."

 

"Yeah."

 

"We still should."

 

Naruto frowned, "Really?"

 

"Yes. Even more so, now."

 

Naruto didn't ask him what he meant, and Gaara hoped that the reasons were evident. They'd already spent enough time forgetting their responsibilities in this little town, and if they didn't separate soon, it would only get harder. They'd have to act quickly, before they got mired in the easiness of lying on a hotel room floor for weeks.

 

He turned his head to see if Naruto was going to offer any kind of disagreement, but he was only staring at him with tired eyes and a sad smile. The combination gave him a dreamy, just-woken-up look. Gaara already felt himself dangerously close to relenting completely.

 

"We'll check out tomorrow."

 

-

 

They settled their bill, which by now was enough to at least raise their eyebrows, and hefted their bags out the front door. It was a shame they couldn't leave through the hotel room window one last time.

 

They walked by the beach slowly to appreciate the almost-naked divers, the surfers, the dark craters of the fire pits, and one small white cloud that lounged on the far edge of the ocean. The sight of all those turned backs brushed them off, and said that it would all continue after they'd left.

 

Gaara doubled back on the road out of town, saying he'd only be a minute, and returned with ice cream cones. He said he'd regret not trying it one last time.

 

-

 

They walked slowly and camped at night, in a mirror image of when they had first walked out across the desert. The tent was less comfortable than the hotel room floor or the sand. Naruto felt like an old man when he'd wince and lose the moment when a rock or root would press through the tent floor and against his back.

 

There wasn't a need to be touching at every minute, which relieved him. They sat across each other with the campfire between them, and while Gaara had hooked their pinkies together to make him laugh as they walked through the mountain woods, their hands broke apart so they could move through the brush easier. At night, Naruto curled up against him, and Gaara put his hand over his back. Sometimes they woke up and Gaara's head was tucked under his chin, their positions switched somehow while sleeping.

 

Sometimes, Gaara would reach out and touch his shoulder, or his wrist. Naruto would look at him, and make an expression as if to ask _did you need something?_

But that was all. He had just wanted, in those moments, to reach out and touch him briefly.

 

-

 

Gaara knew they were going too slow. It had taken them three days to reach the desert, and now at the edge of it, they'd opted to wait for nightfall in the grassland before they moved out again. They would have to switch to sleeping in the day, a problem they wouldn't have if they just ran across the desert. Neither of them suggested the latter.

 

Naruto was staring at something, completely still like an animal trying to make a life-or-death decision. Gaara turned to see what he was looking at.

 

There was a smoke cloud forming in the direction of Konoha, in the mountainous region. They watched it grow all day, and the change in winds shaped it until it looked like a giant ship sailing towards them.

 

"Do you want to go?"

 

Naruto didn't stop looking at it, "Yes. But I know they can handle it without me. If they needed me they'd send for me."

 

Gaara waited for the crease in his brow to relax, but it didn't. He turned back to the ship made of smoke and knew it was a sign.

 

That night, when the cloud had dissipated entirely and been replaced by nothing else, he tugged at Naruto's sleeve.

 

"You need to go home."

 

"Gaara, I already said-"

 

"I'm not saying because of the fire. I just mean in general."

 

He squinted, confused, "Yeah, I know that."

 

"Do you?"

 

Naruto's eyes widened and then he looked away, ashamed. Gaara let go of his sleeve and drew his hand away.

 

"We are going to separate at some point, but we will keep putting it off if we don't talk about it."

 

Naruto flopped down on his sleeping bag, and sounded like a bratty child when he muttered, "Maybe that's why I don't want to talk about it."

 

"But you want to go home."

 

"But I don't want to separate."

 

Gaara kept his tone severe, "I am not going to go home with you."

 

"I know that! I just," Naruto sighed and sat back up, "I don't know."

 

"I would like to continue our relationship," Naruto looked at him, and Gaara continued softly, "but I know that you have ambitions in your own village. It will be very hard for us both to be village leaders and have a relationship. I will understand if," his voice faltered, despite himself, "if this ends here."

 

Naruto continued looking at him blankly, and then scowled, "What? Of course I still want to be in a relationship. It's not like we'll never see each other again."

 

"Visits will be few and far between though."

 

"I'll write letters."

 

"It won't be the same."

 

Naruto looked away and folded his arms around his knees, and said under his breath, "It's not like I even want to be hokage anymore anyways..."

 

This provoked undisguised emotion in Gaara, "What? You can't-"

 

He shook his head, "I know. But I'm not a teenager anymore. I haven't really wanted to be hokage for awhile now. I mean, when I was a kid I just wanted people to... I don't need it that way now. Besides, I saw all that paperwork in your office," he smiled, "and you'd be surprised at all the people who want to be hokage. I have some hard competition."

 

Gaara glared at him, but Naruto didn't bend, "I'm serious. Even if this hadn't happened, I don't think that's what I want anymore."

 

The glare disappeared, "So... What you _do_ want is..."

 

Naruto shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe become an ambassador. Give me more excuses to travel," he grinned at nothing in particular, "I could visit Killer B more, get out of the village, do my part in helping the peace."

 

"Come to Suna sometimes."

 

"Yeah. I mean, I guess," he laughed, but Gaara didn't, and only pressed his head against his shoulder until Naruto put his arm around him, and rubbed his back.

 

"Don't do it unless you want to."

 

Naruto's hand scratched gently at his shoulder blade, thoughtless and instinctive and reassuring, "I want to."

 

-

 

They separated at the oasis town from before. They rented a room for one last night, because saying goodbye in public felt strange and short. Eventually they had to anyways; they checked out, and in the morning, the wrong time of day to travel in the desert, they stood apart from each other. It was reminiscent of saying goodbye years ago, and like before, Naruto just stood with watery eyes until a discreet breeze of sand lifted his hand up. They shook hands. He had to wipe his eyes, and Gaara folded his arms to keep from reaching out to him. They turned away from each other, and ran.

 

-

 

The guards stood up straight to see Gaara. He thought for a moment it was because they were worried he'd think they were slacking; but they were just happy to see him. He wondered if his daily letters had reached the lower ranks, or if they had wondered where he was and if he was safe. He smiled. It was self-indulgent to amuse himself by thinking that his protective concern for the village was mutual.

 

Kankuro greeted him in the market; his previous letter had said he'd be back today, and his brother must have been expecting him.

 

"Hey, where's Naruto?"

 

"He went back home."

 

Kankuro's face shadowed with something. He must have understood vaguely, and put a hand on his shoulder.

 

"C'mon. Let's go find Temari. I have no idea how she'll react, to be honest, but I'm sure it will be better to get it over with."

 

His hand squeezed his shoulder, and Kankuro said thoughtfully under his breath, "Then again, she wasn't the only one you left with a ton of work to do..."

 

"Brother..."

 

"Don't worry, Gaara, I wouldn't attack the kazekage," he let go and winked at him, "in broad daylight."

 

Gaara's punishment was Temari glaring at him, hugging him, and then pointing out two new tables she'd had added to the office, stacked with organized paperwork. He nodded appreciatively, and then she flipped both of them over with one arm each. The papers settled in a white blanket over the floor, and she stepped over them politely to walk out the door.

 

Over her back, she said, "We're even. Let's go get dinner and you can tell us about your trip."

 

They watched her leave. Kankuro nodded, the same way Gaara had done at the tables.

 

"Yeah. I'm good with that."

 

The whole restaurant was happy to see him, and kept interrupting to ask him how he was, and how it went. It was a lot of work to not think about everything he wasn't telling them, and to keep the embarrassment from showing on his face. Temari and Kankuro waited patiently, and she looked at him over her plate with reptilian intensity, her chin in her hand. She knew.

 

"How's Naruto?"

 

Gaara gave a very tiny sigh, but then found it was hard not to smile when he said, "He's good."

 

Something in his siblings postures relaxed, and he wondered if they had been planning on breaking a very important peace treaty if Naruto had done something less than kind to him. Over the sadness of separating and uncertainty, he felt deeply pleased that they loved him so much. That they could, and that he loved them too. It would have been so easy to live a life where that had never happened. He glowed as silently and happily as a coal while they spent the rest of the night buying rounds with his money and making toasts.

 

-

 

After separating from Gaara, he didn't feel the need to pace himself home. He ran straight there, and it took two days. He camped out in the canyon, and the foxes recognized him and chattered less and followed him more. Maybe he just imagined it.

 

The guards in Konoha gave him a friendly nod, and a shout of "Naruto!"

 

Kakashi was leaning against a building at the front of town, reading, and looked up to see him with a mild expression of surprise, "Oh! Naruto. It's been awhile. How are you?"

 

He didn't buy that it was only a coincidence that his teacher was waiting so close to the gate the day he arrived home, but he let it go, "I'm good."

 

He snapped the book shut, "Sakura said you went to Suna. How's Gaara?"

 

In a tone he already couldn't help: "He's good."

 

They both stood in silence, analyzing each other's aloofness. Eventually, Kakashi folded, and motioned with his head towards Ichiraku's.

 

"C'mon. Sakura and Iruka have a whole thing planned. Try to act surprised, okay?"

 

They walked side by side, and Naruto rolled his eyes, "Why did they send you to get me? You're terrible at this kind of thing."

 

"Hey, hey... So disrespectful... And I volunteered."

 

"Yeah, yeah..." he thought of something, "Hey, how's Gai-sensei?"

 

In the exact tone and cadence that Naruto had used before, significantly without his usual offhanded drawl, he said, "He's good," and then realized with a slight jump what they'd both revealed to each other.

 

He looked at Naruto out of the corner of his eye, "Who taught you to be tricky?"

 

He shrugged, rude like a kid. Kakashi laughed his short laugh.

 

"Oh, well, I'm not the best person to talk to about-- oh, hello," a hawk had landed on his shoulder, and he appraised it politely. He held his hand out, and it hopped down to his forearm. He took the capsule off its leg, and pulled the note out. There was a tag on it, and he read it and smiled. He handed it to Naruto.

 

"It's for you."

 

-*-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Who knows? Perhaps the same bird echoed through both of us yesterday, separate, in the evening…" -Rainer Maria Rilke, You Who Never Arrived


End file.
